hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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