I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
