If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
