We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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