I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize