i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
