I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
