just come out here and I will go home with you...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My ATM looks so different sober.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
