I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
