please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
