this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize