non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
