I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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