remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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