I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
