1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
