absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
