You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize