i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
