I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
