This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
