Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
