You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
