On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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