Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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