I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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