So drunk its hurt
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
