My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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