You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
