You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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