so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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