every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
