u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
