It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
