Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how drunk are you?
Several
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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