we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
