why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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