where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
