my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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