i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize