I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
