cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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