i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
