You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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