i came on her dog
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
