Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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