As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
