eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love having hate sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
