Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
