Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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