you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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