And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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