You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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