bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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