I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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