So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
