see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
