Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
