You're so nebulous sometimes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
