No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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