not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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