who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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