i think my tv is drunk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize