i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
someone owes me an orgasm
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
