they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
