Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
