Acid is not a monday night drug
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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