If that was your dad, he is hot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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