he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
