I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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