I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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