Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
