If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
