onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
