I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
