sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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