well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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