if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
