goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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