i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
