so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
