I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
