o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was confusing and full of hummus
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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