i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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