I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
