Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize