I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
