btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize