well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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