i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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