Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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