He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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