Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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